What makes you want to keep living, even on your hardest days?
This is the kind of question I rarely think about. The answer comes to me on my best days, the days when I’m feeling thankful for everything. I feel thankful not because everything is great all the time, but because I can remember when I was feeling hopeless, and somehow everything has turned out fine. Everything is always fine.
There isn’t just one thing. Not at this point in my life. Someday when my life is completely different from how it is today, the answer will be different. Maybe even specific. But not today.
When I go to bed, I feel better knowing I’ve closed the door on today and that tomorrow is new. It has potential. It can be better. In the morning, I’m thankful that my body woke up, that I’m still here, that I still have an opportunity to tell people how important they are to me, to laugh with friends, to make an impact at work, to make things even better than they are. The sunrise and sunset give me peace and a promise for hope.
I want to keep living because I can’t imagine leaving anyone behind. Not Steven, not my family and friends, not my coworkers who depend on me. When I’m gone – either from this city or this year of my life or the world altogether, I want to have left something good behind, something important, something worth remembering. And sure, maybe I’ve done that already, but I still want to do more. There is so much untapped potential in everyone, and I wish we could realize that and use it.
I don’t meditate. Sometimes I want to learn how. But when I think about reasons for living, forgiving, trying again and again, and not letting negativity get the best of me, one of them is simply the fact that I am able to breathe. That I don’t have to think about it and I just keep doing it. That I wake up again in the morning, alive and well, remembering what happened the days before. That’s incredible, and I don’t want to waste it.