Anxiety

Anxiety

Even though it’s been a relatively good week for me, I am feeling extremely anxious today. Sometimes we just can’t control the chemical balance in our brains and anxiety creeps up despite your best intentions.

I went for a run earlier this week and didn’t have any music along. Instead, I kept talking to myself, reminding myself that I can do anything.

“I am strong. I am motivated. I am smart. I am intelligent. I am wise. I am patient. I am flexible. I am creative. I am innovative.”

Every different word I used would inspire a new word. Sometimes, the words didn’t feel quite true, but if I changed my inflection (in my head), it could feel different. For example, “I am patient,” doesn’t feel true very often, but I know, and I need to tell myself, that I can be patient. I don’t have to be all of these words of strength all the time, and by the same token I can be all of them at the same time. There is a duality. Eventually, I changed the phrase from “I am,” to “I can be,” or other phrases.

“I am up for the challenge. I can do hard things. Every time I try, it will get easier. This hill used to feel hard, now it feels flat. I can get better. I improve every day. Today is a new day. I can change directions if today isn’t going how I want it to be – I can choose how today goes. I can be steadfast, and I can change my mind.”

Some phrases I would repeat over and over, either in a row or between thoughts. There were certain characteristics that I want to work on, that aren’t habitual yet, that I am improving on, and those would repeat throughout my “meditation.” Some didn’t resonate, and I didn’t need to repeat them more than once.

I highly advise this kind of self-talk. Don’t listen to yourself, talk to yourself. I’ve found that it gives me more power over negative thoughts.

I am feeling a ton of anxiety today, but I have the power to change how my day is going. I don’t have to succumb to my brain chemistry today.

Negative emotions can be caused by an imbalanced second chakra. Relaxing near open water can help open and balance this chakra.

I am the master of my fate, I am the captain of my soul.

From Invictus by William E. Henley

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Trust

Trust

noun: firm belief in the reliability, truth, ability, or strength of someone or something

Started my day with a ton of anxiety. If you have anxiety, does it physically manifest in your body? How? For me, my brain feels like it’s full of static. I want to say that it feels hot, but that’s not quite right, it’s more that there’s a lot of friction from all the thoughts and non-thoughts moving around up there. I’m going on vacation for the weekend tomorrow, and there are things that I absolutely HAVE to get done today. Things that should have been done a month ago. Things that I can’t let myself put off anymore, even though I don’t feel like I have everything I need to complete them. The problem is that part of my brain is saying “fuck it” because I’ve already waited this long, so why not wait til Monday?

Nope.

Don’t play me, brain.

So, I pulled out my meditation app and went outside for a few minutes when I got to work, because today just has to work. The shortest free meditation was about Trust, so walked outside to reset for 10 minutes. I needed the word “trust” to sit in my head, pushing out the static and grounding me. I still feel anxious, but every time it starts to rise up to the top of my mind instead of my work, I let “trust” to float back in and replace it. I am learning to trust myself, my instincts, my personality, so that I can let my true self flourish.

“Trust, that you’re going to shift gears from forcing a situation to happen to trusting that the highest and the best will happen, whatever that may be.”

Motivational sticky notes and gold stars – keys to success.